That version of me no longer exists
A quiet confession about creativity, identity, and the humbling act of cooking again
I wasn’t going to write about this. It feels a little raw ~ especially as someone who’s been known as a cookbook author and food writer. But I think there’s something healing in saying it out loud.
And here’s the truth: I’ve been in a cooking funk for about six years. There, I said it! I haven’t loved cooking for years. And maybe, just maybe, that’s okay.
My disinterest started around the time I released my last cookbook ~ and strangely, when I decided to become sober. I don’t know if those two things are connected or not, but the timing has always felt… curious to me.
There was a time where cooking felt as easy as breathing. Effortless. Playful. Creative. Ideas would land in my mind like soft falling fruit. I’d chop, stir, taste, tweak, not as a job, but for the joy. The romance of it.
And honestly? I often couldn’t understand why putting dinner on the table was so hard for others. Well… life has a funny way of humbling you!
Now, as a mum of four, I get it. I really, really get it. The mental load. The constant decision-making. The tiredness ~ not in physical sense of the word, but in the creative one.
But recently… I’ve wanted to enjoy cooking again. Not obsessively. But gently. Softly. For my family, yes, but also for myself.
So here’s what I’m doing to in an effort to rediscover my spark again:
Re-tiling and beautifying my kitchen (on a very modest budget) so it feels like somewhere I actually want to spend time in.
Watching cooking shows again ~ I used to watch them religiously. Share your favourites, please!
Reading cookbooks like novels, without pressure to cook anything, only to be inspired.
Travelling or doing mini day trips when I can, because tasting new things always stirs something in me.
And now I’m asking you, the readers who get it:
How do you fall back in love with cooking? What helps you to find the spark again? Please share with me in the comment section below!
Here are some lovely reader comments from instagram:
“I feel like you might love Somebody feed Phil, it is a Netflix show where each episode is a city anywhere in the world and he tries the best food there, it’s super entertaining and inspiring.”
“It helps me to cook mindfully and carefully. When I am aware of what I am doing, it automatically influences how I do it. Then something opens up in my heart and it is no longer just a chore. And I try to be okay with it when I don’t succeed in my hectic everyday life.”
“We have been watching Sophie Grigson: Slice of Italy on SBS here in Australia. Really inspiring & refreshingly real. Short episodes & delightful.”
“I sometimes listen to a podcast while I cook, or have the tv on for the kids so I am not interrupted or stressed while I’m cooking. I have started looking in my cookbooks again and often will save recipes on instagram and go through and find ones I like the look of.”
“Recently I checked out RecipeTin . There’s some fantastic recipes over on that page.”
“When I take a trip to the produce market, I’m inspired by all the fresh ingredients and I’m usually excited to get home and decide what to make!”
“Trying a completely new type of cooking style helps me - a new flavour I haven’t used before … or inviting people over or cooking for someone I love … that always helps too”
Let’s keep the conversation flowing, and I’ll keep you updated with my journey back to falling in love with cooking. With love, Eleanor x
Eleanor, I have reached for My Family Table over and over and now my 14 year old daughter does. I had to glue to spine together it’s so worn out.
I think my children are a little older than yours and they are just starting to branch out more and more with really trying and liking different foods, I think this helps so much.
I think you just need time. Time on your own with nothing else to do other than follow a recipe for something delicious.
It will come.
Thanks for this honest piece Eleanor, I really hear you. Cooking can become a job to be done, rather than a creative joy. I think that giving yourself time to do it is important, so it's not something you're rushing to fit in. And reading cook books just for inspiration is wonderful, so many great books out there, including yours! Give yourself time, and space to reconect with your gastronomic self. For viewing, I love anything by Stanley Tucci, and he has several shows where he tours Italy and samples local fare (spoiler, I am in love with Italy so most of my recommendations come from there). Giorgio Locatelli has done great things with Italian feed and has some great TV shows. One I particularly like is a duet with art historian Andrew Graham-Dixon called Italy Unpacked, which covers food and art, wonderful! Also Carluccio, he wrote many great cookbooks. And so on...